I know, I know - it's been awhile. 30 days, actually. But, here's the thing: I've actually been getting out and doing things - and for the first time in a long time, the "things" aren't just work-related. A little over 24 pounds ago, I observed the following routine: work, home. I'd go to family events and celebrate holidays, but the truth of my life was that I was a lot happier ensconced in my home, writing away on my laptop. If I went out, it involved trying to find something I thought I looked ok in, which was virtually impossible in my mind. Usually, I reached for whatever was black and billowing, following the time-honored premise that black was slimming and billowing hid everything. SO not true! I looked like a lumpy mourner. Now, I'm not going to pretend that the weight I've lost is enough to make me toss every loose-fitting, black garment I own; it isn't. But what I've started to realize is that the weight I've lost does show - and that's been a hard thing to admit. Funny, isn't it? Those of us who struggle - or have struggled - with weight in our lives work so hard to lose it yet some of us, myself included, can't (or won't allow ourselves) to see the results when the pounds lost begin to add up. I've had to actually buy some new clothing; nothing major - but a few things to replace clothes I just can't wear any longer. Where did I go? Right to my old size. Even after trying on a gorgeous purple/pink raincoat and finding that even when buttoned and belted, it gathered horribly - I walked out of the store with it. My thought? "I can belt it and you can't tell a thing!" It took a friend saying, "If you can't take it back, hang it in your closet until you reach your goal weight - then take it to a tailor." Well, I couldn't take it back: it was an Anne Klein trench coat, on sale for $49.50 at TJ Maxx. I was a delusional Maxx-inista! You'd have thought I'd learned my lesson, wouldn't you? Nope. Yesterday another friend and I went to LL Bean as I needed to return a pair of jeans that were purchased before the holidays and never worn (needed to be hemmed; if you know me you'll appreciate the futility of that purchase. I can't sew - and that includes hemming!) With my LL Bean gift card clutched in my fist, I headed right back to "the women's section". I'd have gotten there, too, if my friend hadn't steered me over to the standard sizes. I tried things on and, even though I wound up back in my old stomping grounds (and bought a couple of things 2 sizes smaller than I had been wearing), it was because I wasn't comfortable with the proportion - not because I couldn't fit into them. I had to wonder - if she could see me as I really look, why couldn't I? I wish I could tell you that I've given the question a great deal of thought and have had some sort of epiphany, but I can't. I've thought about it and the best that I can come up with at the moment is that I don't know many people who see themselves realistically. It's easier to see the flaws than it is to see the whole picture - maybe because those flaws are what we use as our excuse to sit at home and stop taking chances. Maybe the true success of this whole journey will be the ability to recognize the flaws as (hopefully) smaller parts of one whole - and make decisions to change what I can and just get over the rest of it. Otherwise, all I'll accomplish is becoming a thinner homebody! OK....enough introspective, serious stuff.
Let's dish once more about our old nemesis, Wii Fit Plus.
Flush with my walking success, I hauled the Wii Fit Plus from under the bookcase. After all, I am now doing 2.5 miles almost daily in the cemetery AND did so with my sister during her APRIL visit. Lord knows what distance I'll have to achieve when she comes back in July! I've lost over 24 pounds. Surely I can take an electronic trainer with an attitude! I fired it up and stepped on the balance board. First thing I hear from the animated image of the balance board on the TV screen is, "Oomph!" Nice. It then reminds me that it's been a VERY LONG TIME since I've "been back". No mention of the smaller "Mii" that's returned. Just a load of guilt. I get it now. The creators of Wii are Catholics! They should really have put a warning label on the package. Nevertheless, I submitted to a battery of tests to determine BMI, weight, height and my "Wii Fit Age", based on all of that data. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is. Let's just say that I've picked a very appropriate location for my daily walks. The long and the short of the matter is that I need to lose weight (duh!), I don't have good balance (ditto on the 'duh'!) and I need to start working with a Wii trainer before I drop in my tracks. Very encouraging. I selected my trainer. I had a choice between a woman who looked like a runway size zero and a man who had a nice behind. Went with the latter; didn't have to think about it.
"General MacArthur" or "Doug", as I've affectionately named him, thought I should work on my balance and strength and so recommended a suite of exercises that include slalom skiing, ski jumping and the dreaded hula-hoop. In the slalom skiing, one must stand on the balance board and lean from one side to another to guide the little Wii skier through the "gates". Missed gates are multiplied by some randomly punitive numeric factor and used to calculate the final score. Scores are used to calculate calories burned. The amount of time one spends on the Wii Fit Plus is tallied and stored in a little electronic pig-like creature that's supposed to represent a piggy bank. I just find it cruel. Particularly when I could hear MacArthur chuckling as I lined up my skier in the gate. The gun went off and my little fat skier took to the course. She was taken off the course in a little Wii ambulance after I managed to pitch her headlong in to the first 4 gates. No updates have been released on her condition. Another Mii skier was conjured for the second run. Apparently, these little gals can take one or two gate crashes without injury as she just bounced right back up again. They're perfectionists, however, as they appear to get really depressed about missed gates. I'll elaborate. After crossing the finish line, she pumped her fat little arms, "stem-Christied" to a stop and awaited her score. The screen turned from Mii to the numeric score which was, predictably, terrible. When the screen turned back to little Mii, she was trying to wrestle the gun away from the starter. She, too, was hauled away from the course. I decided to attempt the hula-hoop competition to avoid any further injuries or suicide attempts. It's just a little plastic circle on the chubby little Mii's hips; how much trouble could that cause. As it turns out, quite a bit.........
We begin with one hula-hoop and some snappy little music playing in the background. Mii is on a dais and two of her little Wii buddies are against the front wall of the - what? - Hula Hoop Arena. Each holds a hula hoop, pumping it in time to the music. Mii (ok, ok - I ) begin circling my hips to get the hula-hoop moving. It's around her waist, it's up to her stomach - things are looking good, if a little choppy. A little window pops up at the bottom of the screen telling me that it's ideal to move my hips in large, smooth circular movements. Helpful. What would really be 'ideal' would be having the body of that female trainer and not having to humiliate Mii-self like this on a daily basis! The window disappears and I see that one of the Wii 'friends' is holding his hula-hoop aloft and smiling. Moments later....BONK!....he's hurled it toward Mii and it's bounced off her head. The helpful window is back. "Lean your body in the direction of the hula-hoop and remain still." How 'helpful' it would have been to get that direction before the large purple lump had formed on Mii's forehead! Window disappears and I can see that the other Wii friend has hoisted her hula-hoop above her head and is grinning at me. She pitches. I lean. I catch it, but my other hula hoop is circling my knees wildly. I begin gyrating like an aging burlesque dancer and, sure enough, both hoops rise to circle Mii's ample waist...just in time for another hoop to come flying at her head. Suddenly everything stops and Mii raises her arms over her head in triumph. But not for long. The score - and accompanying commentary - shows us as "beginners". Like we didn't already know that!
Back outside - this time, to the ski jump competition. Another fresh set of skiers to send hurtling down a simulated, icy ski jump. The instructions say to crouch (remember my knee issues!) and lean forward to propel the jumper down the slope. When the red area is reached, I am to snap upright and hold my position until the skier safely lands. Seems simple enough. I crouch, leaning forward. My knees immediately send up a protest which I, of course, ignore. Mii picks up speed, heading for the red "hot zone" for take-off. Her skis cross into the hot zone and I snap to attention. 89 meters. Mii looks dejected. I am in serious pain. There was a definite snap on take-off - two of them, in fact. Off to ice my knees. The second skier will have to wait another day.
As I was sitting pumping ibuprofen and alternating between heat and ice, I perused the other exercise options. Yoga, driving range, rhythmic kung fu.........wait - yoga? My knees locked just as a reminder of the positions into which yoga would definitely require them to twist and fold. Hmmm. Not all yoga moves are done on a floor mat; some are completed while standing. It is a story for another day but for now, I will say that I've tried it and I like it. There are stretches that promise to tone trouble spots like thighs, hips, arms and waist. If I can get my upper arms to stop waving at the same time that my hands do, in the words of the immortal MacArthur, "I shall return"....................... at least until my knees give out!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 27/365 - A Word about Wii Tennis & Exercise - Who Knew?!
First of all, you'll note that my "cycle count down" has changed. I've decided that I'm going to commit to this program for a year and so have shifted the countdown to support that. Just wanted to make sure that anyone who's been following this saga doesn't get confused: "Wait - I thought there were FOUR cycles on this diet; what's with the '365'?" OK, enough of that...onward.
Yesterday, I took the day off to do some errands but "the April Fools Day Nor'easter" derailed my plans. I wound up working from home. With the temptation of the scale calling from 4 rooms away, I also wound up weighing myself a day early. I forgot about the sensitivity of this particular scale (has to be in one spot - and never moved - to ensure accurate results....) and (gasp!) slid it a bit further from the wall before boarding. Down a pound.......one.........16 oz.........1 lb...........that's all. And here I'd been exercising all week, too (we'll get to that, I promise; it's in the title of this post, after all!). Drat. (OK - I might have said something stronger.) Didn't do my usual step off, step on to confirm. Recorded the weight, went back to the laptop, logged remotely into my bank PC and proceeded to spend the day working. In the evening, I did 40 minutes of Wii Tennis (it's coming...).
Got up this morning - normal weigh-in day. Drank the hot lemon-water. (Let's face it: it wouldn't be a blog entry from me if I didn't mention THAT particular evil!) Eyed the scale. It hadn't moved from its spot. Oh well, why not? Approached the temperamental beast. Boarded. Waited for the flashing trio of zeroes to disappear. New number. What?! No; that can't be right. Not in 24 hours' time. Stepped off. Stepped back on. Waited....waited.... Same number. Stepped off. Stepped back on. Three's the charm, after all. Zeroes....Zeroes.....SAME NUMBER! 27 day weight loss: 15 POUNDS!! Holy ... well, you know! Who knew exercise could contribute THAT much to a weight loss program?! (OK, OK - everyone but ME, apparently!) Actually, I'd heard rumors, but the only time you'd find the word "athlete" in a sentence with my name, it was usually, "I'd date an athlete - sure - if it wasn't for all that exercise!!" Struggling to get into a decent looking pair of jeans left me winded; surely that qualified as aerobic exercise! You get the picture. In my defense, I do have knee problems; always have. Of course, I didn't really want to admit that those particular joints might have benefited from a little less of me to lug around on a daily basis. You know what they say, "De-Nile ain't just a river in Egypt!!" So, I allowed my knees to bear the blame for my lack of exercise (along with everything else they were already bearing - poor things!) Oh - I tried walking .... once. That was before I quit smoking. Bad move. My best friend agreed to walk Baxter Boulevard with me (3 mile trek along a groomed trail around this lovely cove in Portland). This was...oh - 10 years ago. I put on fashionable leggings with a big sweatshirt, head band and brand new Reeboks. We parked the car in the lot. We started to walk. And I DO mean walk. Power walk. Pick them up, put them down. Look straight ahead. No sightseeing. No commenting on the flock of Canadian Geese congregating in the shallow water. No time to wrinkle our noses at the smell of baked beans wafting from the B & M Baked Bean plant in the distance. No time to admire how nice and sparkling white my new walking shoes looked. Two blocks in, my shins started to hurt. Three blocks in, I started feeling winded. At the end of the 4th block, I began to feel light-headed.I was pretty sure it wasn't the exhilaration that comes from an endorphin high. I now know that it was, primarily, an anxiety attack. I was a lumpy woman, approaching middle age, walking in a sea of trim and fit 20-somethings. To them, tapioca was a dessert found in restaurants. To me, it was the jiggly, dimpled part of my thighs. They walked/ran in pairs, chatting all the way, periodically pressing against the sides of their necks to check their heart rates. Any attempt at conversation from my friend was met with an odd sounding croak that was a cross between a gasp, a wheeze and a whine. If I'd lifted my hand to my throat, my subconscious would have inspired it to choke myself for even thinking this was a good idea. I returned to the car in defeat. Where was the woman who used to walk 10 city blocks from her home to her office - in 3 inch stiletto heels? How was I going to turn my tapioca thighs into thinner, trimmer limbs that actually stayed in one place when I walked?
That brings us to the Wii. Specifically Wii Tennis. Of course, in purchasing this miracle of modern technology, I was blinded (yet again) by packaging that featured happy, thin, smiling, thin, fashionably dressed, thin women exercising. I bought the Wii. This meant, after all, that I could exercise alone! With my shades drawn! With no trim 20 year-olds passing by and snickering. Game on! I (as always) ignored the little sentence about asking your doctor before beginning any exercise program. I could just imagine what ANY doctor might say to me - once s/he stopped laughing hysterically, of course! "Give it a shot, you've got to start somewhere!" seemed to be a logical comment. Everything in moderation, I thought as I set up the machine. I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that it didn't pose more of a challenge - that I didn't break out into a sweat. Somehow, it seemed like it should. I popped in the DVD "Wii Sport" and noted with interest that there was, indeed, a tennis game on the menu. Again, my memory failed to recall that tennis was how I wrecked my knees in the FIRST place! But...this wasn't "real" tennis, after all. Wrong. Maybe for some people, but not for me! For me, Wii Tennis is an all-out, no holds barred, full contact sport! When the screen flashes up saying that you should ensure that all obstacles are cleared from the surrounding area to prevent injury and/or damage to property, they are not just whistling Dixie!
I moved through the screens to begin my first game. I had to create a Mii (yes, I know; it's a little precious for me, too...but the exercise is the thing!). I flipped through the characters and found one that sort of looked like me. She was thinner but apparently Wii imitates life as well. I found where I could alter hair, lips, eyes and face shape. Sort of an aerobic Frankenstein project! I killed a 20 oz bottle of water selecting make-up, glasses, etc. (only 40 more ounces to go! This Wii was going to work out just fine!). Now that I had my Mii created and named, it was time to begin.
Did I want to play a one, three or five game match? I picked three. Right in the middle. Wait....doubles? Yes...there was my Mii - well, I guess I should say that there were my Miis, in the near court ... and may I say that they were both looking totally adorable, if slightly "weeble-like" in their coral-colored dresses, makeup and glasses! Across the net were our opponents: 2 thugs if I ever saw them. Two of the Bowery Boys, I was certain of it: buzz cuts, questionable attire and sneers etched into their pale little Wii faces. This couldn't be good. We set ourselves into position (OK, the CONSOLE programmers set us into position!) I was to serve first. Now, please understand that I have since seen 4 year-olds play Wii tennis while sitting on my couch and flicking their wrist as they gripped the controller. At this stage of my Wii tennis career, however, I held that controller like the Wilson T-2000 racket I'd used in high school. I lifted that thing and launched into a full serve that I was certain would knock the stripes right off Buzz Cut #1's shirt. He returned it. And he didn't just return it, mind you....he knocked Mii on my butt - temporarily. Miis have no legs, you see. They sort of rock, spin and slide around the court. Sort of like Tennis on Ice...without the annoying judges.
"LOVE - 15!" the Wii tennis announcer shouted as the Wii crowd settled down in the gallery. Gritting my teeth, I served again. Buzz Cut 2 returned to my backhand and I managed to volley it back, down the line on his forehand side. Buzz 1 - playing the net - waved his little racket and lobbed it back - just over the net. Mii 1 - who was supposedly playing the net - ran back and forth, slid around, waved her little racket - and we both watched the ball sail right by. Really? Are you/Mii actually playing up there or are you there for decoration alone? Two serves, one deuce and a lost game later, I realized that this was exactly net Mii's purpose: decoration. Grr! There's a reason little black thunder clouds appear over the little Wii players' heads when they lose a point: they're cursing at their team mates. Little music notes appear over the victors' heads. I think they're whistling the tune that goes to the lyric, "You guys are lo-sers! You are path-e-tic!" (But I'm not bitter! Not at all!)
New game. Buzz Cut 2 zinged his first serve so hard, he wiped out two elderly Wii spectators. They bounced right back, though. Wish I could say the same for my game. I lost all three. Spectacularly. Lost the next three, but less spectacularly. Won 2 of the next 5-set game (new opponents. Buzz Wiis were just too annoying to be dealt with!). At the end of an hour, my shoulder was killing me, my heart rate was up and I had managed to work up a sweat. Of course, both of my area rugs were dreadfully askew, my laptop table (on wheels) had moved four feet toward the window and my cats were huddled in one of the wing back chairs watching the whole tragedy play out. I put the living room right again, sent the Wii tennis players off to the little Wii showers and turned off the console. Heading for my own shower, I realized that I was no longer winded and my heart rate felt normal. Shoulder still painful, but it had gotten more of a workout than it had had in quite some time. The next morning, I woke up to find the muscle under my arm was a little swollen, my shoulder ached and my neck was a little tender. A-HA! A Wii-sports injury! I was a "W-athlete"....maybe!
Over the next few months, I built Wii into my routine and, most recently, as you know, I bought a Wii Fit Plus. This week, I began walking...again. With my friend Lori who lives in the apartment upstairs from mine. We walk two blocks in our neighborhood with her soon-to-be mother-in-law's (my friend, Pam) two Shelties. After returning "the boys" safely to their home, we go back out and walk in a very picturesque cemetery a couple of blocks from our house. (Remember, I'm a hypochondriac. I'm sure there's some psychology about choosing a cemetery for exercise, but there you have it!) I've worked up to "the second loop" and my goal is to conquer the full walk in the next few weeks. At the back of the cemetery, there is a beautiful view of Biddeford Pool (I believe) and the land leading to it - and surrounding it - becomes full of daffodils - for about a week each Spring. I've driven into the cemetery with my camera to photograph this beautiful landscape in Springs past. This year, however, I plan to walk down - camera around my neck. By July, when my family comes to visit, I want to accompany my sister on her daily walks - not stay home sipping coffee while she walks for 30 - 45 minutes. By the end of the summer, I'm going to pick up my best friend and drive to Baxter Boulevard. My long-term goal is to once again put myself in the midst of those 20-somethings who still pound the walking path. This time, any lightheadedness will definitely be due to the endorphins!
Yesterday, I took the day off to do some errands but "the April Fools Day Nor'easter" derailed my plans. I wound up working from home. With the temptation of the scale calling from 4 rooms away, I also wound up weighing myself a day early. I forgot about the sensitivity of this particular scale (has to be in one spot - and never moved - to ensure accurate results....) and (gasp!) slid it a bit further from the wall before boarding. Down a pound.......one.........16 oz.........1 lb...........that's all. And here I'd been exercising all week, too (we'll get to that, I promise; it's in the title of this post, after all!). Drat. (OK - I might have said something stronger.) Didn't do my usual step off, step on to confirm. Recorded the weight, went back to the laptop, logged remotely into my bank PC and proceeded to spend the day working. In the evening, I did 40 minutes of Wii Tennis (it's coming...).
Got up this morning - normal weigh-in day. Drank the hot lemon-water. (Let's face it: it wouldn't be a blog entry from me if I didn't mention THAT particular evil!) Eyed the scale. It hadn't moved from its spot. Oh well, why not? Approached the temperamental beast. Boarded. Waited for the flashing trio of zeroes to disappear. New number. What?! No; that can't be right. Not in 24 hours' time. Stepped off. Stepped back on. Waited....waited.... Same number. Stepped off. Stepped back on. Three's the charm, after all. Zeroes....Zeroes.....SAME NUMBER! 27 day weight loss: 15 POUNDS!! Holy ... well, you know! Who knew exercise could contribute THAT much to a weight loss program?! (OK, OK - everyone but ME, apparently!) Actually, I'd heard rumors, but the only time you'd find the word "athlete" in a sentence with my name, it was usually, "I'd date an athlete - sure - if it wasn't for all that exercise!!" Struggling to get into a decent looking pair of jeans left me winded; surely that qualified as aerobic exercise! You get the picture. In my defense, I do have knee problems; always have. Of course, I didn't really want to admit that those particular joints might have benefited from a little less of me to lug around on a daily basis. You know what they say, "De-Nile ain't just a river in Egypt!!" So, I allowed my knees to bear the blame for my lack of exercise (along with everything else they were already bearing - poor things!) Oh - I tried walking .... once. That was before I quit smoking. Bad move. My best friend agreed to walk Baxter Boulevard with me (3 mile trek along a groomed trail around this lovely cove in Portland). This was...oh - 10 years ago. I put on fashionable leggings with a big sweatshirt, head band and brand new Reeboks. We parked the car in the lot. We started to walk. And I DO mean walk. Power walk. Pick them up, put them down. Look straight ahead. No sightseeing. No commenting on the flock of Canadian Geese congregating in the shallow water. No time to wrinkle our noses at the smell of baked beans wafting from the B & M Baked Bean plant in the distance. No time to admire how nice and sparkling white my new walking shoes looked. Two blocks in, my shins started to hurt. Three blocks in, I started feeling winded. At the end of the 4th block, I began to feel light-headed.I was pretty sure it wasn't the exhilaration that comes from an endorphin high. I now know that it was, primarily, an anxiety attack. I was a lumpy woman, approaching middle age, walking in a sea of trim and fit 20-somethings. To them, tapioca was a dessert found in restaurants. To me, it was the jiggly, dimpled part of my thighs. They walked/ran in pairs, chatting all the way, periodically pressing against the sides of their necks to check their heart rates. Any attempt at conversation from my friend was met with an odd sounding croak that was a cross between a gasp, a wheeze and a whine. If I'd lifted my hand to my throat, my subconscious would have inspired it to choke myself for even thinking this was a good idea. I returned to the car in defeat. Where was the woman who used to walk 10 city blocks from her home to her office - in 3 inch stiletto heels? How was I going to turn my tapioca thighs into thinner, trimmer limbs that actually stayed in one place when I walked?
That brings us to the Wii. Specifically Wii Tennis. Of course, in purchasing this miracle of modern technology, I was blinded (yet again) by packaging that featured happy, thin, smiling, thin, fashionably dressed, thin women exercising. I bought the Wii. This meant, after all, that I could exercise alone! With my shades drawn! With no trim 20 year-olds passing by and snickering. Game on! I (as always) ignored the little sentence about asking your doctor before beginning any exercise program. I could just imagine what ANY doctor might say to me - once s/he stopped laughing hysterically, of course! "Give it a shot, you've got to start somewhere!" seemed to be a logical comment. Everything in moderation, I thought as I set up the machine. I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that it didn't pose more of a challenge - that I didn't break out into a sweat. Somehow, it seemed like it should. I popped in the DVD "Wii Sport" and noted with interest that there was, indeed, a tennis game on the menu. Again, my memory failed to recall that tennis was how I wrecked my knees in the FIRST place! But...this wasn't "real" tennis, after all. Wrong. Maybe for some people, but not for me! For me, Wii Tennis is an all-out, no holds barred, full contact sport! When the screen flashes up saying that you should ensure that all obstacles are cleared from the surrounding area to prevent injury and/or damage to property, they are not just whistling Dixie!
I moved through the screens to begin my first game. I had to create a Mii (yes, I know; it's a little precious for me, too...but the exercise is the thing!). I flipped through the characters and found one that sort of looked like me. She was thinner but apparently Wii imitates life as well. I found where I could alter hair, lips, eyes and face shape. Sort of an aerobic Frankenstein project! I killed a 20 oz bottle of water selecting make-up, glasses, etc. (only 40 more ounces to go! This Wii was going to work out just fine!). Now that I had my Mii created and named, it was time to begin.
Did I want to play a one, three or five game match? I picked three. Right in the middle. Wait....doubles? Yes...there was my Mii - well, I guess I should say that there were my Miis, in the near court ... and may I say that they were both looking totally adorable, if slightly "weeble-like" in their coral-colored dresses, makeup and glasses! Across the net were our opponents: 2 thugs if I ever saw them. Two of the Bowery Boys, I was certain of it: buzz cuts, questionable attire and sneers etched into their pale little Wii faces. This couldn't be good. We set ourselves into position (OK, the CONSOLE programmers set us into position!) I was to serve first. Now, please understand that I have since seen 4 year-olds play Wii tennis while sitting on my couch and flicking their wrist as they gripped the controller. At this stage of my Wii tennis career, however, I held that controller like the Wilson T-2000 racket I'd used in high school. I lifted that thing and launched into a full serve that I was certain would knock the stripes right off Buzz Cut #1's shirt. He returned it. And he didn't just return it, mind you....he knocked Mii on my butt - temporarily. Miis have no legs, you see. They sort of rock, spin and slide around the court. Sort of like Tennis on Ice...without the annoying judges.
"LOVE - 15!" the Wii tennis announcer shouted as the Wii crowd settled down in the gallery. Gritting my teeth, I served again. Buzz Cut 2 returned to my backhand and I managed to volley it back, down the line on his forehand side. Buzz 1 - playing the net - waved his little racket and lobbed it back - just over the net. Mii 1 - who was supposedly playing the net - ran back and forth, slid around, waved her little racket - and we both watched the ball sail right by. Really? Are you/Mii actually playing up there or are you there for decoration alone? Two serves, one deuce and a lost game later, I realized that this was exactly net Mii's purpose: decoration. Grr! There's a reason little black thunder clouds appear over the little Wii players' heads when they lose a point: they're cursing at their team mates. Little music notes appear over the victors' heads. I think they're whistling the tune that goes to the lyric, "You guys are lo-sers! You are path-e-tic!" (But I'm not bitter! Not at all!)
New game. Buzz Cut 2 zinged his first serve so hard, he wiped out two elderly Wii spectators. They bounced right back, though. Wish I could say the same for my game. I lost all three. Spectacularly. Lost the next three, but less spectacularly. Won 2 of the next 5-set game (new opponents. Buzz Wiis were just too annoying to be dealt with!). At the end of an hour, my shoulder was killing me, my heart rate was up and I had managed to work up a sweat. Of course, both of my area rugs were dreadfully askew, my laptop table (on wheels) had moved four feet toward the window and my cats were huddled in one of the wing back chairs watching the whole tragedy play out. I put the living room right again, sent the Wii tennis players off to the little Wii showers and turned off the console. Heading for my own shower, I realized that I was no longer winded and my heart rate felt normal. Shoulder still painful, but it had gotten more of a workout than it had had in quite some time. The next morning, I woke up to find the muscle under my arm was a little swollen, my shoulder ached and my neck was a little tender. A-HA! A Wii-sports injury! I was a "W-athlete"....maybe!
Over the next few months, I built Wii into my routine and, most recently, as you know, I bought a Wii Fit Plus. This week, I began walking...again. With my friend Lori who lives in the apartment upstairs from mine. We walk two blocks in our neighborhood with her soon-to-be mother-in-law's (my friend, Pam) two Shelties. After returning "the boys" safely to their home, we go back out and walk in a very picturesque cemetery a couple of blocks from our house. (Remember, I'm a hypochondriac. I'm sure there's some psychology about choosing a cemetery for exercise, but there you have it!) I've worked up to "the second loop" and my goal is to conquer the full walk in the next few weeks. At the back of the cemetery, there is a beautiful view of Biddeford Pool (I believe) and the land leading to it - and surrounding it - becomes full of daffodils - for about a week each Spring. I've driven into the cemetery with my camera to photograph this beautiful landscape in Springs past. This year, however, I plan to walk down - camera around my neck. By July, when my family comes to visit, I want to accompany my sister on her daily walks - not stay home sipping coffee while she walks for 30 - 45 minutes. By the end of the summer, I'm going to pick up my best friend and drive to Baxter Boulevard. My long-term goal is to once again put myself in the midst of those 20-somethings who still pound the walking path. This time, any lightheadedness will definitely be due to the endorphins!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Second Cycle: Day 3/17 Creatures of Habit, the "Waddle" & Gravity
Twelve pounds ago, I approached this diet with commitment and, as evidenced by these entries, some degree of humor. Ok, ok - a large degree of humor! From that dreadful hot water/lemon ritual to the introduction of green tea into my routine, I've certainly found enough to kvetch about! (And let's not forget that nightly conga line with my two furry little roommates!) On Friday, I began Cycle 2 ("Accelerate"), which begins the process of adding some carbs back into the menu. Wait...what?! I was really comfortable with my cycle 1 menu: protein, cleansing veggies, low-fat ("active culture") cottage cheese and no-fat, low-sugar yogurt. For 17 days, I cursed the carbs! I shoved away the sugars! I banished BAGELS, for the love of God! And now, I have to begin to reverse the curse and bring those little devils back? (sigh) Okay.......talk about screwing up a good routine...
Yes, it's true; while I may not be Monk, I clearly have potential. I am a true creature of habit. After all, I suppose that's contributed to how I got to this point to begin with: habit. I smoked. A bad habit. I quit smoking. A big victory. I sucked on wild cherry throat drops for several months as a substitute. Obviously I quit the smoking, but not the habit. And then ... my friends - the carb army - moved into my house and onto my hips and my thighs and my stomach and my ... well, you get the picture. The point is - I love a good routine and the first cycle of The 17 Day Diet gave me a great one. And now, Dr. Mike wants me to alternate days on cycles 1 and 2. What he's really saying is that he wants me to think. At 4:30 AM - the time I'm now going to have to get up every morning to fit thinking into my new routine. Yikes! This has disaster written all over it! Friday morning, Day 1 on cycle 2. I rose from my bed and bolted down the dreaded hot lemon water. I ate 2 Eggbeater eggs, 1 4 oz serving of yogurt and a cup of green tea. I packed a plum in my cooler (along with 2 20-ounce bottles of Smart water) for consumption at the office with my coffee. Not too bad. Had my usual big salad with loads of protein and a 4 oz serving of Breakstone's Live and Active low fat cottage cheese - and a cup of green tea for lunch. Hey ... that seems like a lot of food. No worries - dinner came and I screwed it all up. No "natural starch". I ate my usual cycle 1 dinner. Ah, well. There's always tomorrow, I thought. A quasi-work day. Up at 6. Eggbeaters, green tea, fruit. (Hot lemon water goes without saying.) Copied the food list and meal plans for cycle 2. Made three branch visits. Went grocery shopping...for 90 minutes (reading the fine print on those labels takes time, my friends!) ... at 2 stores. Put stuff in my cart I thought I'd never see again: potatoes, Cream of Wheat, BEEF! Joyous! Got home at 1:15 - starving! I can now appreciate that segment of Dr. Mike's book that says we should avoid getting so hungry we could "eat the lining out of an empty Spam can"! Seriously. The cats' dry food began to take on gourmet properties. I opened a can of tuna to add to my salad. I heard a wee cry behind me. Phoebe and Annie heard the can opener and responded to it immediately. Side by side they sat, their faces looking like those "Precious Moments" figures - in stereo! My stomach let out a very loud growl and they were happy to settle for a saucer - each - of tuna "juice"... then went to stand guard over their kibble. They could sense danger. Later, as I was putting away my groceries, I reflected on this whole cycle 2 business. The food options and menu choices on cycle 1 leave no room for hunger. You're truly almost always full (unless you do something as stupid as I did and wait too long between feedings!). I lost 12 pounds. Nice, but nowhere near "goal". Cycle 2 adds carbs...how will that contribute to continued weight loss? BUT, I know people who've lost a total of 25 pounds following the book, following the cycles (and without exercise, but we'll talk about that later!). I decided that I don't necessarily need to understand it. I just need to do it. And so, cycle 2 begins. Tonight's menu: steak on the grill - with steamed vegetables and green tea, of course!
Yesterday, I ran into someone I haven't seen in awhile. I was comparing yogurt labels (I'm almost sorry I bought a Kindle. I seem to be doing all my reading in the grocery store these days - and don't mean tabloids at the checkouts!). After the initial greeting, she peered at me for a minute and said, "You've lost weight!" "Yes," I said. "Twelve pounds." "Great! I can really see it in your face!" We exchanged a few more pleasantries and parted company. After the aforementioned luncheon episode, I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. She was right. My face is thinner. But ... what is that thing that's beginning to droop down from my chin? It looks like that droopy thing that hangs down below a turkey's beak...the thing my grandmother used to call a "waddle". And it's got wrinkles! Hey.........how is this fair? I knew it - it's all the poultry I've been eating. When I was in my 30's, I lost quite a bit of weight and my ugly double-chin just went away...completely; it didn't leave any sagging reminders of its former presence! Now that I'm older, that no longer happens? Is the gravity fairy going to do some sort of top-down visit? If this happens to my chin, I don't want to think about what's going to happen to "the girls" (and I'm not talking about the cats!). Yes, yes ... I know all about "exercise", but to be truthful, I don't think they can latch onto weights and do any kind of meaningful crunches. Or lifts; really - if they could do 'lifts' on their own, I wouldn't need the weights, would I? I took a deep breath. Maybe I don't need to worry about them right now. Maybe I can give that a rest for a minute and focus on the waddle. They sell chin straps, don't they?
Oh - I should mention that I led a few of you to believe that I'd focus on the Wii in this installment. Well, I would have, but I've got some other writing to do and I've finally gotten my focus back for that, so the Wii went by the wayside for this particular weekend. Its life was spared.
As for my own exercise? Well, while it's still not quite what it should be, I figure that quick-walking while pushing that HUGE grocery cart of carbs through the aisles of two different stores should count for something, right?
Right....................................!!!!
Yes, it's true; while I may not be Monk, I clearly have potential. I am a true creature of habit. After all, I suppose that's contributed to how I got to this point to begin with: habit. I smoked. A bad habit. I quit smoking. A big victory. I sucked on wild cherry throat drops for several months as a substitute. Obviously I quit the smoking, but not the habit. And then ... my friends - the carb army - moved into my house and onto my hips and my thighs and my stomach and my ... well, you get the picture. The point is - I love a good routine and the first cycle of The 17 Day Diet gave me a great one. And now, Dr. Mike wants me to alternate days on cycles 1 and 2. What he's really saying is that he wants me to think. At 4:30 AM - the time I'm now going to have to get up every morning to fit thinking into my new routine. Yikes! This has disaster written all over it! Friday morning, Day 1 on cycle 2. I rose from my bed and bolted down the dreaded hot lemon water. I ate 2 Eggbeater eggs, 1 4 oz serving of yogurt and a cup of green tea. I packed a plum in my cooler (along with 2 20-ounce bottles of Smart water) for consumption at the office with my coffee. Not too bad. Had my usual big salad with loads of protein and a 4 oz serving of Breakstone's Live and Active low fat cottage cheese - and a cup of green tea for lunch. Hey ... that seems like a lot of food. No worries - dinner came and I screwed it all up. No "natural starch". I ate my usual cycle 1 dinner. Ah, well. There's always tomorrow, I thought. A quasi-work day. Up at 6. Eggbeaters, green tea, fruit. (Hot lemon water goes without saying.) Copied the food list and meal plans for cycle 2. Made three branch visits. Went grocery shopping...for 90 minutes (reading the fine print on those labels takes time, my friends!) ... at 2 stores. Put stuff in my cart I thought I'd never see again: potatoes, Cream of Wheat, BEEF! Joyous! Got home at 1:15 - starving! I can now appreciate that segment of Dr. Mike's book that says we should avoid getting so hungry we could "eat the lining out of an empty Spam can"! Seriously. The cats' dry food began to take on gourmet properties. I opened a can of tuna to add to my salad. I heard a wee cry behind me. Phoebe and Annie heard the can opener and responded to it immediately. Side by side they sat, their faces looking like those "Precious Moments" figures - in stereo! My stomach let out a very loud growl and they were happy to settle for a saucer - each - of tuna "juice"... then went to stand guard over their kibble. They could sense danger. Later, as I was putting away my groceries, I reflected on this whole cycle 2 business. The food options and menu choices on cycle 1 leave no room for hunger. You're truly almost always full (unless you do something as stupid as I did and wait too long between feedings!). I lost 12 pounds. Nice, but nowhere near "goal". Cycle 2 adds carbs...how will that contribute to continued weight loss? BUT, I know people who've lost a total of 25 pounds following the book, following the cycles (and without exercise, but we'll talk about that later!). I decided that I don't necessarily need to understand it. I just need to do it. And so, cycle 2 begins. Tonight's menu: steak on the grill - with steamed vegetables and green tea, of course!
Yesterday, I ran into someone I haven't seen in awhile. I was comparing yogurt labels (I'm almost sorry I bought a Kindle. I seem to be doing all my reading in the grocery store these days - and don't mean tabloids at the checkouts!). After the initial greeting, she peered at me for a minute and said, "You've lost weight!" "Yes," I said. "Twelve pounds." "Great! I can really see it in your face!" We exchanged a few more pleasantries and parted company. After the aforementioned luncheon episode, I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. She was right. My face is thinner. But ... what is that thing that's beginning to droop down from my chin? It looks like that droopy thing that hangs down below a turkey's beak...the thing my grandmother used to call a "waddle". And it's got wrinkles! Hey.........how is this fair? I knew it - it's all the poultry I've been eating. When I was in my 30's, I lost quite a bit of weight and my ugly double-chin just went away...completely; it didn't leave any sagging reminders of its former presence! Now that I'm older, that no longer happens? Is the gravity fairy going to do some sort of top-down visit? If this happens to my chin, I don't want to think about what's going to happen to "the girls" (and I'm not talking about the cats!). Yes, yes ... I know all about "exercise", but to be truthful, I don't think they can latch onto weights and do any kind of meaningful crunches. Or lifts; really - if they could do 'lifts' on their own, I wouldn't need the weights, would I? I took a deep breath. Maybe I don't need to worry about them right now. Maybe I can give that a rest for a minute and focus on the waddle. They sell chin straps, don't they?
Oh - I should mention that I led a few of you to believe that I'd focus on the Wii in this installment. Well, I would have, but I've got some other writing to do and I've finally gotten my focus back for that, so the Wii went by the wayside for this particular weekend. Its life was spared.
As for my own exercise? Well, while it's still not quite what it should be, I figure that quick-walking while pushing that HUGE grocery cart of carbs through the aisles of two different stores should count for something, right?
Right....................................!!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Day 12/17: The Tale of the Traveling Scale & Wii Fit Plus (?) For Dummies
I've been taking considerable heat about the lack of prompt updates; I am truly sorry. I'm also flattered that people are looking for them! Life outside the blog, however, has been more than a little crazy. The good news is that none of the lunacy is diet-related.......well not much of it is, anyway!
Let's talk about "Traveling Scales" for a moment, shall we? So, I found this morning that the outcome of a weekly weigh-in seems to depend upon the scale being placed in exactly the same spot it was placed the previous week. This was discovered in a fairly frantic attempt to compare this week's weight with the weight stored last week. While my current weight didn't change with each attempt, the stored weight did - at one point suggesting that I weighed 100 pounds more last Saturday morning than I did this morning. Doubtful - despite the fact that I consumed what I'm certain were several bushels of "cleansing vegetables". I finally moved the scale several millimeters to the left and pressed the lower right-hand corner. Eureka! Last week's weight flashed in the window. I stepped on the scale (after removing my earrings, of course!)...down 2.6 pounds. Total weight loss: 9.6 pounds in 12 days! Happiness! My two Ragdolls, Annie and Phoebe, have become quite interested in the scale, I must report. I turned around to return it to its storage space and found Annie sprawled across it - bathing. Phoebe was seated to one side, obviously waiting her turn. Nice to know that they're supportive!
I've decided not to trust the scale to "remember" my week-to-week weight. I've got a lovely, lined pad of paper hidden away in a drawer. I'm recording the statistics manually. Somehow, I think it will be far more accurate. I'm also finding a permanent home for that scale. If it's so picky about where I keep it, I guess I'd better get with the program! As they say in real estate: location, location, location! Ok - enough of that foolishness. Let's move onto something completely foolhardy: the Wii Fit Plus.
I was afraid that I might run out of material before I reached my goal weight and that may indeed happen. I mean, really; I've actually developed a taste for green tea - as long as it's flavored with some sort of citrus - and sweetened with my beloved Sweet'n'Low. Who knew?! I'm still not thrilled with the whole cup of hot water/half a lemon - FIRST thing in the morning; I complain every single time I have to knock it back! I suspect that this will always be the case. I mean, when your throat closes up on you, there really isn't much to like, is there? Sooo, before I digress too much, let's get back on topic: blog material. And the topic: exercise. THAT should give me enough fodder for a couple of years!
I bought 2 pair of walking shoes: Nike Air and Reebok Gravity. I was thinking that the "gravity" piece was particularly appropriate, given my age - and what will most likely impact my body when the fat cells are no longer there to hold up the skin. (Ahem....dangerously close to digressing yet again........) ANYway...the shoes will be great when it warms up - which wasn't today. What to do until then? I broke down and bought a Wii Fit Plus. Now, I'm obviously still sensitive about my weight - even though I'm actively dealing with it - because my first thought was, "What's with the PLUS?" Is there an extra large balancing board to accommodate those of us who might break the regular one? On the top of the box was a very large, neon green sticker that read: "Maximum weight for balance board: 330 pounds." But wouldn't someone weighing 330 pounds actually BENEFIT from the Wii Fit Plus? Apparently not; it won't Fit them (sorry - it was there, I had to use it). Confident that I was well under the weight limits for Wii Fit, I opened the box. Four wheels fell out. I wasn't sure what to make of them and then it hit me: shock absorbers. Very nice. Despite my disgust, I stuck them on. Why tempt fate, after all? Then, in a complete departure from my usual routine, I decided to read the pamphlet. Bad move. They have warnings. If you know me at all, you'll appreciate just what kind of reaction I had to THESE: "Consult a physician if you have any of the following conditions:
I do have one question, however: when did Don Rickles become the spokesperson for Wii Fit Plus? And...is there a weight scale division of Wii with which we're not familiar? Forced to input our vital statistics, Wii Fit promises to track our training progress, our lean body mass, our fitness levels. Lovely. Remember the talking scale from the last entry? Exactly! I think the Wii people use the talking scale as a sort of entry-level ego deflation system - something to prepare us for the true insults to come. After entering my stats, I was greeted with, "Hi, fatty!" by a decidedly Rickles-like trainer. Wait - what? "Hi, Fatty!"? While I hardly expected to hear, "Hello, Skinny! Why on EARTH are YOU here? Go on with you - eat some chocolate!", "Hi, Fatty" seemed a bit harsh. I've seen those Mario characters on the other Wii games, you know. They're hardly buff. Seems like the Wii people would be a bit more sensitive, given that. Apparently not. Fine. If that's the way you want to play - have at it!
Tomorrow, I'll duck tape each of my knees to hold them in place. I'll put on some Spanx to avoid senseless hip-shifting injury in the hula-hoop exercise. When attempting the ski jump/balance exercise, I'll strap my chin in place to make myself more aerodynamic. I'll bind my bust with an Ace bandage to avoid black eyes while "running track".
....but beware, Mr. Rickles; I have a mute button...........and I'm not afraid to use it!
Let's talk about "Traveling Scales" for a moment, shall we? So, I found this morning that the outcome of a weekly weigh-in seems to depend upon the scale being placed in exactly the same spot it was placed the previous week. This was discovered in a fairly frantic attempt to compare this week's weight with the weight stored last week. While my current weight didn't change with each attempt, the stored weight did - at one point suggesting that I weighed 100 pounds more last Saturday morning than I did this morning. Doubtful - despite the fact that I consumed what I'm certain were several bushels of "cleansing vegetables". I finally moved the scale several millimeters to the left and pressed the lower right-hand corner. Eureka! Last week's weight flashed in the window. I stepped on the scale (after removing my earrings, of course!)...down 2.6 pounds. Total weight loss: 9.6 pounds in 12 days! Happiness! My two Ragdolls, Annie and Phoebe, have become quite interested in the scale, I must report. I turned around to return it to its storage space and found Annie sprawled across it - bathing. Phoebe was seated to one side, obviously waiting her turn. Nice to know that they're supportive!
I've decided not to trust the scale to "remember" my week-to-week weight. I've got a lovely, lined pad of paper hidden away in a drawer. I'm recording the statistics manually. Somehow, I think it will be far more accurate. I'm also finding a permanent home for that scale. If it's so picky about where I keep it, I guess I'd better get with the program! As they say in real estate: location, location, location! Ok - enough of that foolishness. Let's move onto something completely foolhardy: the Wii Fit Plus.
I was afraid that I might run out of material before I reached my goal weight and that may indeed happen. I mean, really; I've actually developed a taste for green tea - as long as it's flavored with some sort of citrus - and sweetened with my beloved Sweet'n'Low. Who knew?! I'm still not thrilled with the whole cup of hot water/half a lemon - FIRST thing in the morning; I complain every single time I have to knock it back! I suspect that this will always be the case. I mean, when your throat closes up on you, there really isn't much to like, is there? Sooo, before I digress too much, let's get back on topic: blog material. And the topic: exercise. THAT should give me enough fodder for a couple of years!
I bought 2 pair of walking shoes: Nike Air and Reebok Gravity. I was thinking that the "gravity" piece was particularly appropriate, given my age - and what will most likely impact my body when the fat cells are no longer there to hold up the skin. (Ahem....dangerously close to digressing yet again........) ANYway...the shoes will be great when it warms up - which wasn't today. What to do until then? I broke down and bought a Wii Fit Plus. Now, I'm obviously still sensitive about my weight - even though I'm actively dealing with it - because my first thought was, "What's with the PLUS?" Is there an extra large balancing board to accommodate those of us who might break the regular one? On the top of the box was a very large, neon green sticker that read: "Maximum weight for balance board: 330 pounds." But wouldn't someone weighing 330 pounds actually BENEFIT from the Wii Fit Plus? Apparently not; it won't Fit them (sorry - it was there, I had to use it). Confident that I was well under the weight limits for Wii Fit, I opened the box. Four wheels fell out. I wasn't sure what to make of them and then it hit me: shock absorbers. Very nice. Despite my disgust, I stuck them on. Why tempt fate, after all? Then, in a complete departure from my usual routine, I decided to read the pamphlet. Bad move. They have warnings. If you know me at all, you'll appreciate just what kind of reaction I had to THESE: "Consult a physician if you have any of the following conditions:
- heart problems (ME: "It's beating. No problem...NEXT")
- high blood pressure (ME: "After the 'PLUS' episode - AND finding these warnings in the booklet, I would HAVE to say 'yes'... but isn't this diet supposed to bring THAT down? Moving on........")
- respiratory problems (ME: "Still breathing...keep going..........")
- joint problems (Let's skip the obvious drug reference for now. ME: "I have the knees of an 80 year old woman. They hurt when I picture myself exercising. You've got to start somewhere.......I'll get a brace...or two....NEXT!"
- have difficulty exercising (ME: "Really? If I found exercise easy, would I be in this shape? Doubtful.")
I do have one question, however: when did Don Rickles become the spokesperson for Wii Fit Plus? And...is there a weight scale division of Wii with which we're not familiar? Forced to input our vital statistics, Wii Fit promises to track our training progress, our lean body mass, our fitness levels. Lovely. Remember the talking scale from the last entry? Exactly! I think the Wii people use the talking scale as a sort of entry-level ego deflation system - something to prepare us for the true insults to come. After entering my stats, I was greeted with, "Hi, fatty!" by a decidedly Rickles-like trainer. Wait - what? "Hi, Fatty!"? While I hardly expected to hear, "Hello, Skinny! Why on EARTH are YOU here? Go on with you - eat some chocolate!", "Hi, Fatty" seemed a bit harsh. I've seen those Mario characters on the other Wii games, you know. They're hardly buff. Seems like the Wii people would be a bit more sensitive, given that. Apparently not. Fine. If that's the way you want to play - have at it!
Tomorrow, I'll duck tape each of my knees to hold them in place. I'll put on some Spanx to avoid senseless hip-shifting injury in the hula-hoop exercise. When attempting the ski jump/balance exercise, I'll strap my chin in place to make myself more aerodynamic. I'll bind my bust with an Ace bandage to avoid black eyes while "running track".
....but beware, Mr. Rickles; I have a mute button...........and I'm not afraid to use it!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Day(s) 5,6 & 7/17: Dieting Can be Ordinary, the Grill AND The Tale of the Scale
I fired up Facebook this morning and found a post from my aunt asking about the blog entries for days 5 and 6. It struck me that, although monumental when it first begins, dieting is - or can be - fairly mundane. Which is, I suppose, a good thing. When we stop thinking about it, it must mean that it's become a bit more natural; that it's worked itself into the daily routine and, by extension, has a better chance of sticking.
That said, the past couple of days have not been without their moments. For example, inspired by the blue sky and sunshine, I totally forgot about this pulled muscle thing in my lower abdomen and decided to clean my grill. So, armed with Brillo soap pads, hot water and a ton of paper towel, I jerked and dragged the thing out of what was left of a snowbank and prepared to do battle with the grilling surface. I scrubbed and scrubbed, then hoisted this cast iron/ceramic/whatever thing out of the body of the grill and hauled it across the driveway to apply the hose. Hmmm; not quite clean enough. Hefted it up, hauled it back across the driveway to the yard and scrubbed some more. Back to the hose we staggered to do another "jet rinse". It was a sort of a reversal of the weight-lifting routine, "the clean and jerk". Then, I went shopping for a grill cover, more water (turns out, it is "smart" as my ankles have gone back to a normal circumference now!), eggs and more vegetables. Now, let me say this about all these green vegetables: my digestion recognizes the loss of other colors and it misses them - keenly and regularly. The 96% lean ground sirloin I ate for dinner didn't make a bit of difference, I'm sorry to tell you. I'm looking forward to the return of dairy and some sort of grain........
Included in my shopping excursion was also a bathroom scale. Nope, didn't have one. Yup - ultimate denial. Oh, I weighed myself periodically, but I refused to bring one of those dreadful things into my own home...I'd simply content myself with weighing in at a friend's house and leaving the grim and terrible truth behind. This time, however, I decided that if I was going to go through all the hot water/lemon agony, I was going to be able to gauge my progress.
To the Biddeford Wal-Mart I drove, grim determination etched on my face. I found a parking space close to the door; I took it as sign that this was meant to be. I dodged two trucks and a fast-moving Camaro with a flat black paint job and a pulsing bass line you could hear in Portsmouth, NH and soon was pushing my cart toward the "Lawn and Garden" department. Minutes later, I was wheeling back toward the main store, grill cover keeping company in my cart with a veggie grilling basket and several disposable grill surfaces. I have no desire to repeat that scrubbing/jet blast routine again and these should definitely help with that goal!
I glanced through my shopping list: Kitty litter, beef roast, vegetables in steamer bags, eggs, bathroom scale.
I resolutely pushed the cart toward the back of the store, passing under the sign that showed "Home Improvement" to be on the right. I took a left...toward the groceries. Not an unfamiliar choice. Fifteen minutes later, I'd worked through all the items on my list...save one: the BATHROOM SCALE. There was nothing for it...off to Home Improvement/Bath I headed. With footsteps dragging, I approached the scale aisle - only to be confronted with the impact of digital technology on that particular industry. Yes, yes, - I already knew that they displayed weight in LCD format. What I wasn't prepared for were scales that did the following: calculated my body fat, my hydration levels and my lean body mass. I felt safe in assuming that these models - which sell for close to $80 each - would be able to give me my weight, if there was enough time left on the battery to do so! Then there were those scales that spoke; presumably designed for those that could not yet see the LCD window. According to the packaging, in addition to articulating one's weight, it also offered affirmations when a weight loss was realized and encouragement when a plateau had been hit and weight remained the same. There was a light show involved as well: with the affirmation, there was a green light and with a plateau, the light shone yellow. The packaging was strangely evasive about what happened with a recorded weight gain, however. Oh, it told about a red light that would come on in that situation, but it was silent about any comment the scale might make. I could just imagine: "Don't look at me; I didn't eat the cheesecake!" I couldn't bring myself to even consider that model; the last thing I need is a scale with an attitude. I allowed my mind to wander for a moment and conjured frightening images of the kinds of things that a scale like this would actually say to me:
Needless to say, I passed - quickly. The one I chose had no voice - thankfully - but it does have a brain. It will remember my weight, from weigh-in to weigh-in and will show it to me, silently - along with the difference between the last and current weigh-ins. All for $17.98. Excellent! Or...as excellent as this sort of purchase would ever be! I slipped the scale into my cart, right between the Smart water and the kitty litter, and made my way to the check-outs.
Once home, I put away my purchases before coming face-to-cardboard with my nemesis - lying all alone on my kitchen counter. With shaking hands and a shuddering breath, I unpacked it, removed the little tab that would allow the battery to begin operating and headed to my room. There, without ....er....my earrings...I stepped upon the gleaming white plastic and chrome beast - and waited...and waited. Finally, the number I'd been so dreading appeared in the window. Wait. Let's try this again.............stepped off, waited for the window to clear, stepped back up again. I waited. Again. Huh! The number was the same as the last time. Ok....they say three's the charm, so let's try this again! Step off, step on (sort of like the Karate Kid without the wax part); wait ... there it is - AGAIN ... same number! I stepped off for the final time, put my ....earrings back on and returned the scale to its new home. While our relationship might have started off a bit on the rocky side, I think it just might work out between us after all..................(wait for it)................
The number was SEVEN POUNDS lower than the last time I went through this exercise - one week ago!
With renewed determination, I begin week two......................
Stay tuned................
That said, the past couple of days have not been without their moments. For example, inspired by the blue sky and sunshine, I totally forgot about this pulled muscle thing in my lower abdomen and decided to clean my grill. So, armed with Brillo soap pads, hot water and a ton of paper towel, I jerked and dragged the thing out of what was left of a snowbank and prepared to do battle with the grilling surface. I scrubbed and scrubbed, then hoisted this cast iron/ceramic/whatever thing out of the body of the grill and hauled it across the driveway to apply the hose. Hmmm; not quite clean enough. Hefted it up, hauled it back across the driveway to the yard and scrubbed some more. Back to the hose we staggered to do another "jet rinse". It was a sort of a reversal of the weight-lifting routine, "the clean and jerk". Then, I went shopping for a grill cover, more water (turns out, it is "smart" as my ankles have gone back to a normal circumference now!), eggs and more vegetables. Now, let me say this about all these green vegetables: my digestion recognizes the loss of other colors and it misses them - keenly and regularly. The 96% lean ground sirloin I ate for dinner didn't make a bit of difference, I'm sorry to tell you. I'm looking forward to the return of dairy and some sort of grain........
Included in my shopping excursion was also a bathroom scale. Nope, didn't have one. Yup - ultimate denial. Oh, I weighed myself periodically, but I refused to bring one of those dreadful things into my own home...I'd simply content myself with weighing in at a friend's house and leaving the grim and terrible truth behind. This time, however, I decided that if I was going to go through all the hot water/lemon agony, I was going to be able to gauge my progress.
To the Biddeford Wal-Mart I drove, grim determination etched on my face. I found a parking space close to the door; I took it as sign that this was meant to be. I dodged two trucks and a fast-moving Camaro with a flat black paint job and a pulsing bass line you could hear in Portsmouth, NH and soon was pushing my cart toward the "Lawn and Garden" department. Minutes later, I was wheeling back toward the main store, grill cover keeping company in my cart with a veggie grilling basket and several disposable grill surfaces. I have no desire to repeat that scrubbing/jet blast routine again and these should definitely help with that goal!
I glanced through my shopping list: Kitty litter, beef roast, vegetables in steamer bags, eggs, bathroom scale.
I resolutely pushed the cart toward the back of the store, passing under the sign that showed "Home Improvement" to be on the right. I took a left...toward the groceries. Not an unfamiliar choice. Fifteen minutes later, I'd worked through all the items on my list...save one: the BATHROOM SCALE. There was nothing for it...off to Home Improvement/Bath I headed. With footsteps dragging, I approached the scale aisle - only to be confronted with the impact of digital technology on that particular industry. Yes, yes, - I already knew that they displayed weight in LCD format. What I wasn't prepared for were scales that did the following: calculated my body fat, my hydration levels and my lean body mass. I felt safe in assuming that these models - which sell for close to $80 each - would be able to give me my weight, if there was enough time left on the battery to do so! Then there were those scales that spoke; presumably designed for those that could not yet see the LCD window. According to the packaging, in addition to articulating one's weight, it also offered affirmations when a weight loss was realized and encouragement when a plateau had been hit and weight remained the same. There was a light show involved as well: with the affirmation, there was a green light and with a plateau, the light shone yellow. The packaging was strangely evasive about what happened with a recorded weight gain, however. Oh, it told about a red light that would come on in that situation, but it was silent about any comment the scale might make. I could just imagine: "Don't look at me; I didn't eat the cheesecake!" I couldn't bring myself to even consider that model; the last thing I need is a scale with an attitude. I allowed my mind to wander for a moment and conjured frightening images of the kinds of things that a scale like this would actually say to me:
- "Nice dimples; though I've never seen them in thighs, before!"
- "No, I don't think removing your earrings would make a difference!"
- "Give me a minute to catch my breath and then you can try again!"
Needless to say, I passed - quickly. The one I chose had no voice - thankfully - but it does have a brain. It will remember my weight, from weigh-in to weigh-in and will show it to me, silently - along with the difference between the last and current weigh-ins. All for $17.98. Excellent! Or...as excellent as this sort of purchase would ever be! I slipped the scale into my cart, right between the Smart water and the kitty litter, and made my way to the check-outs.
Once home, I put away my purchases before coming face-to-cardboard with my nemesis - lying all alone on my kitchen counter. With shaking hands and a shuddering breath, I unpacked it, removed the little tab that would allow the battery to begin operating and headed to my room. There, without ....er....my earrings...I stepped upon the gleaming white plastic and chrome beast - and waited...and waited. Finally, the number I'd been so dreading appeared in the window. Wait. Let's try this again.............stepped off, waited for the window to clear, stepped back up again. I waited. Again. Huh! The number was the same as the last time. Ok....they say three's the charm, so let's try this again! Step off, step on (sort of like the Karate Kid without the wax part); wait ... there it is - AGAIN ... same number! I stepped off for the final time, put my ....earrings back on and returned the scale to its new home. While our relationship might have started off a bit on the rocky side, I think it just might work out between us after all..................(wait for it)................
The number was SEVEN POUNDS lower than the last time I went through this exercise - one week ago!
With renewed determination, I begin week two......................
Stay tuned................
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day 4/17: This Little Piggy OR ... the Great Bacon Debate
5:45 am - Hot water/lemon. I've got nothing here; I've exhausted my whining about this ritual. It happens. I gag. Uvula shudders and considers another disappearing act. It's over. We both move on with our days!
5:47 am - Start the microwave egg process. Yes, "start". Let me explain. While walking along the aisles at Hannaford Bros one Saturday, I found this white, heavy-duty plastic thing that you use to microwave eggs. It's got two round, white compartments with a handle that sort of curves outward at the bottom. When you insert the eggs and close the cooker, it sort of looks like Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly". Really. I tried to find a picture, but struck out. You'll have to go with me on this. So - at 5:47 am, my mouth all puckered up from that damned hot water/lemon torture, I was leaning against my counter laughing hysterically. I've just re-read this. I think it's incredibly funny, but perhaps you had to be there. Finish the eggs. They're slightly less rubbery than the first time I tried using the dish. Score! Hot eggs. Oh - and green tea. BIG surprise!
9:30 am - Vanilla yogurt and Maine blueberries. Delicious. Loved it. Having it again tomorrow. Although, I must say that I fail to see the logic. Another diet rule: you can have vanilla yogurt. ONLY. I can ADD blueberries or strawberries, but I CANNOT buy Greek yogurt with those fruits already added. Who MAKES these rules? MONK????
11:50 am - Baby spinach salad, tomatoes, bacon, grilled chicken - light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Green tea (stunned, aren't you?). Sent my friend, Betty Dix, an email marked, "Yummm" and described my salad to her. Pretty soon, the Blackberry vibrated. Betty's response had arrived. It read:
"No bacon"
Please! We can have pork, but no bacon? The remainder of my lunch was spent knocking tiny little bacon pieces off baby spinach leaves and bite-sized pieces of chicken before consuming them. I abandoned the tomato; there just wasn't enough time left to cleanse those things! It's called a lunch HOUR for a reason, after all!
6:30 pm - Baked chicken breast with sweet yellow, orange and red peppers; steamed cauliflower seasoned with garlic. (Watch...I'm not supposed to eat colored peppers, either!). and.........green tea!
But let's rewind a bit. All the way back to lunch; to the bacon tragedy. "Bacon-gate", if you will. What's up wtih bacon? Is it from an undesirable part of the pig? Like the rump? How ironic. Mine's pretty much in the same boat at this stage of the game! Is it because..........(gasp!) it............smokes?
Whatever the reason, there's one little piggy crying, "why me, me, me, me?" .....all the way to the dumpster!
5:47 am - Start the microwave egg process. Yes, "start". Let me explain. While walking along the aisles at Hannaford Bros one Saturday, I found this white, heavy-duty plastic thing that you use to microwave eggs. It's got two round, white compartments with a handle that sort of curves outward at the bottom. When you insert the eggs and close the cooker, it sort of looks like Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly". Really. I tried to find a picture, but struck out. You'll have to go with me on this. So - at 5:47 am, my mouth all puckered up from that damned hot water/lemon torture, I was leaning against my counter laughing hysterically. I've just re-read this. I think it's incredibly funny, but perhaps you had to be there. Finish the eggs. They're slightly less rubbery than the first time I tried using the dish. Score! Hot eggs. Oh - and green tea. BIG surprise!
9:30 am - Vanilla yogurt and Maine blueberries. Delicious. Loved it. Having it again tomorrow. Although, I must say that I fail to see the logic. Another diet rule: you can have vanilla yogurt. ONLY. I can ADD blueberries or strawberries, but I CANNOT buy Greek yogurt with those fruits already added. Who MAKES these rules? MONK????
11:50 am - Baby spinach salad, tomatoes, bacon, grilled chicken - light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Green tea (stunned, aren't you?). Sent my friend, Betty Dix, an email marked, "Yummm" and described my salad to her. Pretty soon, the Blackberry vibrated. Betty's response had arrived. It read:
"No bacon"
Please! We can have pork, but no bacon? The remainder of my lunch was spent knocking tiny little bacon pieces off baby spinach leaves and bite-sized pieces of chicken before consuming them. I abandoned the tomato; there just wasn't enough time left to cleanse those things! It's called a lunch HOUR for a reason, after all!
6:30 pm - Baked chicken breast with sweet yellow, orange and red peppers; steamed cauliflower seasoned with garlic. (Watch...I'm not supposed to eat colored peppers, either!). and.........green tea!
But let's rewind a bit. All the way back to lunch; to the bacon tragedy. "Bacon-gate", if you will. What's up wtih bacon? Is it from an undesirable part of the pig? Like the rump? How ironic. Mine's pretty much in the same boat at this stage of the game! Is it because..........(gasp!) it............smokes?
Whatever the reason, there's one little piggy crying, "why me, me, me, me?" .....all the way to the dumpster!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day 3/17: A Shocking Shower OR...Feathers....Really?
So, here's the deal: Despite all of my kvetching about hot water, lemon and the slow path being worn between my bedroom and my bathroom(s), the 17-day diet is great. Seriously. Even though there have been a few incidents that have given me pause. Let me share:
'night all!!
- the little girl standing next to me in a branch who leaned over to her mother and stage-whispered, "Mommy, I was standing near that lady and I could hear the ocean!" Clearly a comment directed at the random sloshing that happens as a result of all the "Smart" water. Remember that point I made about how "Smart" water should be able to figure out a way not to settle in my ankles? Ditto to the sloshing.
- "Did someone just mow the lawn?" Really...has anyone FOUND their lawn yet? We're barely into March. Doubtful. So, I'm going to go with that new scent I'm carrying around with me, "Eau de Green Tea".
- "Mommy," (remind me again why I like kids...) that lady has no uvula (sorry, couldn't resist using the word "uvula" again.......twice!)....
- Tonight in the shower, I discovered little pinfeathers on my legs. Yup....it's all the chicken I've been eating.......definitely. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
- No numbers. Seriously. The only number you'll get from me is pounds lost. Maybe. I'm a banker. The people I know are waaay too good at math. I'm just sayin'..........
- Trip to NYC with two very dear friends is coming up in June. There are three months between now and then. 12 weeks. 90 days. (See? Bankers are good at math!). If I've made enough progress to make it worthwhile, there just might be some new and fabulous clothing item in my suitcase for the train ride back!
'night all!!
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