Let's talk about "Traveling Scales" for a moment, shall we? So, I found this morning that the outcome of a weekly weigh-in seems to depend upon the scale being placed in exactly the same spot it was placed the previous week. This was discovered in a fairly frantic attempt to compare this week's weight with the weight stored last week. While my current weight didn't change with each attempt, the stored weight did - at one point suggesting that I weighed 100 pounds more last Saturday morning than I did this morning. Doubtful - despite the fact that I consumed what I'm certain were several bushels of "cleansing vegetables". I finally moved the scale several millimeters to the left and pressed the lower right-hand corner. Eureka! Last week's weight flashed in the window. I stepped on the scale (after removing my earrings, of course!)...down 2.6 pounds. Total weight loss: 9.6 pounds in 12 days! Happiness! My two Ragdolls, Annie and Phoebe, have become quite interested in the scale, I must report. I turned around to return it to its storage space and found Annie sprawled across it - bathing. Phoebe was seated to one side, obviously waiting her turn. Nice to know that they're supportive!
I've decided not to trust the scale to "remember" my week-to-week weight. I've got a lovely, lined pad of paper hidden away in a drawer. I'm recording the statistics manually. Somehow, I think it will be far more accurate. I'm also finding a permanent home for that scale. If it's so picky about where I keep it, I guess I'd better get with the program! As they say in real estate: location, location, location! Ok - enough of that foolishness. Let's move onto something completely foolhardy: the Wii Fit Plus.
I was afraid that I might run out of material before I reached my goal weight and that may indeed happen. I mean, really; I've actually developed a taste for green tea - as long as it's flavored with some sort of citrus - and sweetened with my beloved Sweet'n'Low. Who knew?! I'm still not thrilled with the whole cup of hot water/half a lemon - FIRST thing in the morning; I complain every single time I have to knock it back! I suspect that this will always be the case. I mean, when your throat closes up on you, there really isn't much to like, is there? Sooo, before I digress too much, let's get back on topic: blog material. And the topic: exercise. THAT should give me enough fodder for a couple of years!
I bought 2 pair of walking shoes: Nike Air and Reebok Gravity. I was thinking that the "gravity" piece was particularly appropriate, given my age - and what will most likely impact my body when the fat cells are no longer there to hold up the skin. (Ahem....dangerously close to digressing yet again........) ANYway...the shoes will be great when it warms up - which wasn't today. What to do until then? I broke down and bought a Wii Fit Plus. Now, I'm obviously still sensitive about my weight - even though I'm actively dealing with it - because my first thought was, "What's with the PLUS?" Is there an extra large balancing board to accommodate those of us who might break the regular one? On the top of the box was a very large, neon green sticker that read: "Maximum weight for balance board: 330 pounds." But wouldn't someone weighing 330 pounds actually BENEFIT from the Wii Fit Plus? Apparently not; it won't Fit them (sorry - it was there, I had to use it). Confident that I was well under the weight limits for Wii Fit, I opened the box. Four wheels fell out. I wasn't sure what to make of them and then it hit me: shock absorbers. Very nice. Despite my disgust, I stuck them on. Why tempt fate, after all? Then, in a complete departure from my usual routine, I decided to read the pamphlet. Bad move. They have warnings. If you know me at all, you'll appreciate just what kind of reaction I had to THESE: "Consult a physician if you have any of the following conditions:
- heart problems (ME: "It's beating. No problem...NEXT")
- high blood pressure (ME: "After the 'PLUS' episode - AND finding these warnings in the booklet, I would HAVE to say 'yes'... but isn't this diet supposed to bring THAT down? Moving on........")
- respiratory problems (ME: "Still breathing...keep going..........")
- joint problems (Let's skip the obvious drug reference for now. ME: "I have the knees of an 80 year old woman. They hurt when I picture myself exercising. You've got to start somewhere.......I'll get a brace...or two....NEXT!"
- have difficulty exercising (ME: "Really? If I found exercise easy, would I be in this shape? Doubtful.")
I do have one question, however: when did Don Rickles become the spokesperson for Wii Fit Plus? And...is there a weight scale division of Wii with which we're not familiar? Forced to input our vital statistics, Wii Fit promises to track our training progress, our lean body mass, our fitness levels. Lovely. Remember the talking scale from the last entry? Exactly! I think the Wii people use the talking scale as a sort of entry-level ego deflation system - something to prepare us for the true insults to come. After entering my stats, I was greeted with, "Hi, fatty!" by a decidedly Rickles-like trainer. Wait - what? "Hi, Fatty!"? While I hardly expected to hear, "Hello, Skinny! Why on EARTH are YOU here? Go on with you - eat some chocolate!", "Hi, Fatty" seemed a bit harsh. I've seen those Mario characters on the other Wii games, you know. They're hardly buff. Seems like the Wii people would be a bit more sensitive, given that. Apparently not. Fine. If that's the way you want to play - have at it!
Tomorrow, I'll duck tape each of my knees to hold them in place. I'll put on some Spanx to avoid senseless hip-shifting injury in the hula-hoop exercise. When attempting the ski jump/balance exercise, I'll strap my chin in place to make myself more aerodynamic. I'll bind my bust with an Ace bandage to avoid black eyes while "running track".
....but beware, Mr. Rickles; I have a mute button...........and I'm not afraid to use it!
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