That said, the past couple of days have not been without their moments. For example, inspired by the blue sky and sunshine, I totally forgot about this pulled muscle thing in my lower abdomen and decided to clean my grill. So, armed with Brillo soap pads, hot water and a ton of paper towel, I jerked and dragged the thing out of what was left of a snowbank and prepared to do battle with the grilling surface. I scrubbed and scrubbed, then hoisted this cast iron/ceramic/whatever thing out of the body of the grill and hauled it across the driveway to apply the hose. Hmmm; not quite clean enough. Hefted it up, hauled it back across the driveway to the yard and scrubbed some more. Back to the hose we staggered to do another "jet rinse". It was a sort of a reversal of the weight-lifting routine, "the clean and jerk". Then, I went shopping for a grill cover, more water (turns out, it is "smart" as my ankles have gone back to a normal circumference now!), eggs and more vegetables. Now, let me say this about all these green vegetables: my digestion recognizes the loss of other colors and it misses them - keenly and regularly. The 96% lean ground sirloin I ate for dinner didn't make a bit of difference, I'm sorry to tell you. I'm looking forward to the return of dairy and some sort of grain........
Included in my shopping excursion was also a bathroom scale. Nope, didn't have one. Yup - ultimate denial. Oh, I weighed myself periodically, but I refused to bring one of those dreadful things into my own home...I'd simply content myself with weighing in at a friend's house and leaving the grim and terrible truth behind. This time, however, I decided that if I was going to go through all the hot water/lemon agony, I was going to be able to gauge my progress.
To the Biddeford Wal-Mart I drove, grim determination etched on my face. I found a parking space close to the door; I took it as sign that this was meant to be. I dodged two trucks and a fast-moving Camaro with a flat black paint job and a pulsing bass line you could hear in Portsmouth, NH and soon was pushing my cart toward the "Lawn and Garden" department. Minutes later, I was wheeling back toward the main store, grill cover keeping company in my cart with a veggie grilling basket and several disposable grill surfaces. I have no desire to repeat that scrubbing/jet blast routine again and these should definitely help with that goal!
I glanced through my shopping list: Kitty litter, beef roast, vegetables in steamer bags, eggs, bathroom scale.
I resolutely pushed the cart toward the back of the store, passing under the sign that showed "Home Improvement" to be on the right. I took a left...toward the groceries. Not an unfamiliar choice. Fifteen minutes later, I'd worked through all the items on my list...save one: the BATHROOM SCALE. There was nothing for it...off to Home Improvement/Bath I headed. With footsteps dragging, I approached the scale aisle - only to be confronted with the impact of digital technology on that particular industry. Yes, yes, - I already knew that they displayed weight in LCD format. What I wasn't prepared for were scales that did the following: calculated my body fat, my hydration levels and my lean body mass. I felt safe in assuming that these models - which sell for close to $80 each - would be able to give me my weight, if there was enough time left on the battery to do so! Then there were those scales that spoke; presumably designed for those that could not yet see the LCD window. According to the packaging, in addition to articulating one's weight, it also offered affirmations when a weight loss was realized and encouragement when a plateau had been hit and weight remained the same. There was a light show involved as well: with the affirmation, there was a green light and with a plateau, the light shone yellow. The packaging was strangely evasive about what happened with a recorded weight gain, however. Oh, it told about a red light that would come on in that situation, but it was silent about any comment the scale might make. I could just imagine: "Don't look at me; I didn't eat the cheesecake!" I couldn't bring myself to even consider that model; the last thing I need is a scale with an attitude. I allowed my mind to wander for a moment and conjured frightening images of the kinds of things that a scale like this would actually say to me:
- "Nice dimples; though I've never seen them in thighs, before!"
- "No, I don't think removing your earrings would make a difference!"
- "Give me a minute to catch my breath and then you can try again!"
Needless to say, I passed - quickly. The one I chose had no voice - thankfully - but it does have a brain. It will remember my weight, from weigh-in to weigh-in and will show it to me, silently - along with the difference between the last and current weigh-ins. All for $17.98. Excellent! Or...as excellent as this sort of purchase would ever be! I slipped the scale into my cart, right between the Smart water and the kitty litter, and made my way to the check-outs.
Once home, I put away my purchases before coming face-to-cardboard with my nemesis - lying all alone on my kitchen counter. With shaking hands and a shuddering breath, I unpacked it, removed the little tab that would allow the battery to begin operating and headed to my room. There, without ....er....my earrings...I stepped upon the gleaming white plastic and chrome beast - and waited...and waited. Finally, the number I'd been so dreading appeared in the window. Wait. Let's try this again.............stepped off, waited for the window to clear, stepped back up again. I waited. Again. Huh! The number was the same as the last time. Ok....they say three's the charm, so let's try this again! Step off, step on (sort of like the Karate Kid without the wax part); wait ... there it is - AGAIN ... same number! I stepped off for the final time, put my ....earrings back on and returned the scale to its new home. While our relationship might have started off a bit on the rocky side, I think it just might work out between us after all..................(wait for it)................
The number was SEVEN POUNDS lower than the last time I went through this exercise - one week ago!
With renewed determination, I begin week two......................
Stay tuned................
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